Today has a weird feeling, and Miwako really wants to make a weird post on a weird day. I don't know...
I guess Miwako just misses Arashi today. But it's very confusing to miss Arashi, you know -
well, you don't know, since Miwako is probably the only one who misses Arashi, unless you're George or Caroline... Even though I miss Arashi, you see, I don't want him to come to the City. He'd hate everything about the City. Furthermore, Miwako doesn't want him to come to the City because he'd be
mad at her - because he'd hate Miwako's friends here, like Jeremy or so. He is always so jealous.
I wish he'd believe in me more sometimes.I feel bad because I know that's just
Arashi, and I can't expect Arashi to not be Arashi, especially because Miwako loves Arashi and she wouldn't love Arashi if he wasn't Arashi.
Which is different than loving Hiro, because Hiro is Hiro, and Arashi isn't Hiro in the same way that Hiro isn't Arashi, but I'd probably still love them if they were each other, because they would be each other. Arashi doesn't ask Miwako to change herself, so it's not fair if Miwako is ever unhappy about how Arashi acts - because he's just
Arashi, and Arashi is the person that Miwako loves the most, so she just needs to accept him as he is. Right?
I just... wonder sometimes if things would be different if it were Hiro who Miwako loved most. I mean- I don't. And I wouldn't change it. I'm not planning to, or wishing I could, or anything. Arashi is
not a bad boyfriend - Miwako forgives him if he hurts her. Like our first time - Miwako didn't want to, but Arashi did, and so we did, even though Miwako said no; but it's okay, because Miwako knows that sooner or later we would have done it together no matter what. I guess I just wonder, "What would it be like the other way?"
Hiro would have waited until Miwako was ready, I think. I wish sometimes it had been more romantic the first time, but that's okay, because it's romantic
now and Arashi is very good. ♥ Arashi is just Arashi, and it's Miwako's special job to love him that way, in short.
I guess sometimes... part of that hurts. Like a challenge.Miwako's very happy, I mean - I do love Arashi very much. Nobody is perfect, right? I guess I'm thinking, today, that because Arashi is Arashi, and not someone else, that I don't want him to come to the City - he doesn't need that. I miss him, and if he
does come, Miwako will still be happy he's here - but the City isn't a place for a person like Arashi, maybe. It just wouldn't be any good.